yesungs: (pic#6066702)
i'm scared of the future
i'm scared of growing up
i don't want to grow up
see myself in the mirror as an adult
having had to let go of all the things that made me happy in order to get here
i don't want to have a career in which i am unhappy
i'm scared of falling in love and being in a relationship
what if they don't love me back
what if nobody ever loves me back whom i love
what if because of the family situation that i've grown up with i end up being boring and stale or accidentally mean
and they end up leaving me
i'm scared of having children
what if i'm still insecure in the future
boring and shy and insecure and reserved and reclusive
unable to do chores because she never wanted to learn because it just wasn't her thing
and they're embarrassed to say i'm their mom
or they just hate me or dislike me or don't care about me
think i'm too boring or not a real mom
i'm scared of being smart and becoming a failure
i'm scared of letting things go to waste
knowing i could have done this
or done that
but i didn't
i'm scared of school
it only gets harder and i'm now a junior, the hardest year
i'm scared of the assignments and pressure
i'm scared of failing academically and having nowhere to go
as i can't go into arts because i'm too insecure and shy and boring
i'm so terrified of mom and dad dying as well as I
i'm nothing without them, literally nothing
i can't do anything without them
what about when i die?
where will i go? my subconscious? 
will i be aware of where my subconscious goes? that it's mine? what is it called?
will i just fade into nothingness? will i be aware? will i know i'm dead? will we resurrect? how long will i have to wait?
i'm so terrified of everything
i don't wanna die, that 's the only thing i don't want
but i feel like it sometimes because it only gets harder
where will i go? where will i end up? who will i become? who will i make my kids become?
i'm shaking and trying not to cry, i have a very big lump in my throat
i'm just so scared of everything, i don't know what to do
i can't say it enough
i'm so, so scared. of everything. so much. too much. more than anything. everything.
yesungs: (Yesung1)
I try joking around to try and be funny, my jokes come off as insulting.
My group of friends irl always tell me to stop my jokes and that they're "low" or just not funny and I can totally be fine with not being funny because I'm really not but why is it just ME?
I'm stupid and I don't know when people subtweet me or not, like if I'm so annoying just unfollow me. Don't complain about subtweeting when you do the very same thing. Oh, and thanks for not getting back to me. I can totally tell you wanna see the Great Gatsby so badly.
I've been totally forgotten. It sucks. Life isn't too great these days.

Um

May. 6th, 2013 10:25 pm
yesungs: (pic#6066691)
I really don't know if you're putting up those tweets on purpose or not
but you've got to stop if you are tbh
don't copy someone and then talk shit about them and take them as stupid
because i'm not

idk

May. 4th, 2013 11:43 am
yesungs: (pic#6066688)
 i'm just empty
idk what to say or do
i don't wanna do or say anything
but at the same time i do
i feel like there's no hope for me
i'm smart and get good grades and ideas and morals
but what does it matter if i can't really make it out there as a person
the practicalities and just strength
idk

yesung is leaving tomorrow
idk how i'll act at tatiana's house 
will i be sad or happy
will i make her get annoyed with my sadness
i'll be happy maybe and then it'll come crawling down on me
there's not many things that give me happiness
true happiness
and what does right now is leaving me for 2 years
i wish i had more time

Twitter...

Apr. 23rd, 2013 04:40 pm
yesungs: (pic#6066685)
I really don't understand people who subtweet and then complain about subtweeting. If you're going to subtweet someone right in front of their face, why get pressed that they're subtweeting you back? It's hypocritical.
Also it's so annoying when people get pressed because your opinions aren't the same as their's. Why don't ~you~ "stay mad"?
Every day is an adventure on twitter with different people, you see.
yesungs: (Default)
So, here's to the start of my Dreamwidth, I guess.
If someone from Twitter or Tumblr finds this and follows me on there, my identity will be rather obvious.
I might go back to posting icons like I did in Livejournal on here, though this will primarily serve as an outlet for my feelings and stress. It will be a digital diary. 
Here's to a diary full of joys and woes!

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yesungs: (Default)
yesungs

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